Sometimes you have to be your own hero. Manual : how to survive life difficulties
I have seen a photo somewhere in the internet. It is a photo of the board where it is written “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always”. You will surely understand what it means. Because fighting a battle is nothing like having a bad day.
Those, who spilt the coffee on the shirt, had an argument with a boss and messed up the dinner and all of that happened during the last 24 hours, you can carry on with your life. You are lucky, you will wake up tomorrow to a new day.
Those having a real mess to look forward to, here is the manual for surviving it. Let’s go. Step by step.
Think of the biggest loser you know. If all of a sudden you feel jealous of his problems cause they are nothing compared to yours, Welcome my friend, to the Club of Those Picking Up The Pieces. Because you already know that for YOU this disco has only started. And most likely the life will play the music you hate the most.
Step number 2 is for people whose house burned down and yet when asked “How are you”, they'll answer “I am fine”. If you recognized yourself here, stop pretending you are “fine”. Those who are fine like their coffee black and strong. Salty coffee with the taste of tears is not their fetish. So, do not repress it. You can do with a bit of support here from the world, but if the world hears your “fine” then do not expect it to have a wild guess about the taste of your coffee and how things really are..
Something you should know about the crisis is that now it is you and that THING. No one else. You can fight and win it with the support of the closest ones, but the support alone won’t win the battle for you. This is the time you realize you are the main ingredient in this mess and that this is the time you become your own hero.
By the time you start with step 4, you should have realized that yes it is the messiest mess, that YOU have to deal with it and that there are people supporting you and there is a shoulder you can cry on. We really hope that you did cry on that shoulder and not into your coffee as you did before. Now we would need you to be a better person. What it means is that you need to figure out who is that bitch who put you through these sufferings and then you need to….. forgive them. Even if it is you yourself (no one is perfect). Even if it is the life itself (no one lives in lala-land). It is going to be hard. It is not like “forgiveness happy hour”, where it is free forgiveness to everyone! But you cannot move forward without it.
Seriously, you cannot move on without Step 4, I mean it. No. Go back and do your forgiving thing as long as it takes.
Accept that it is not the world with unicorns and rainbows. Everything in life costs and yes, you are paying but you will be done with your "debt" one day as nothing lasts Forever. So tell yourself you will be OK, because you will. This is the start of how it ever ends and your way up begins!
Before we climb our way up, do damage control. Just to make sure “the bottom” of your situation doesn’t have any deeper hidden bottom. Do whatever it takes. Talk to people. Raise money. Get a professional advise (no, I am not talking about you drinking in the kitchen with your best friend. That would happen later in our manual). I mean get a professional advice of the person who is experienced in whatever you are suffering from (therapist, lawyer, doctor, union, someone who went through the same already). After you got an advice, get the second opinion. The more you know about what is going to happen, the more you are prepared for it, the more options you have.
Make a plan. Even if you have the worst options to chose from. Chose the best out of the worst and make a plan with the timeline. It is always easier to go through something when you know how long it will last. If you don’t have the plan, the THING will become indefinite.
Live through the plan. Yes, it is hard and you’d rather not to, but it is like taking a bitter pill to get better. So go ahead and live through it.
How is your miserable life? I guess miserable. So...use something to sweeten your life. This is the time to spend with your family. Go hiking. Invite that old friend of yours to drink in the kitchen and bitch about life (I told you this is in our manual!). Do something good, help a homeless person, adopt a puppy, donate money, help your mum to fix the house.
If you think your bad situation is an excuse to be rude, angry, upset with your closest ones, I would like you to send me your home address. I will fly, drive, run there, I will find you and slap you hard. Your sadness, anger, depression is YOUR thing. You want to get rid of it, not to multiply and transfer it to others. Like Mark Twain said “The world owes you nothing. It was here first”. Be nice to yourself and your closest ones.
Think about all the good things you have now! Not feeling better? Go and watch The Fault in Our Stars. And think. Again.
Last one is a hard one. Think of the lesson you got out of all of this mess. Nothing is ever black and white. So…I hate to say that but this black-black situation surely taught you some white good lesson. Learn from it and we wish you never end up in this mess ever again.
Everything will be ok and you are your own hero. Already.
